Narrative: Let it be true.

What does it mean to be safe and secure? It means you can live with out abandon and not worry about judgement. Thats something I used to not feel. I would go to church, a safe place right? Not for me, my cousin would bring his friends to youth group and at first I wouldn't realize it was happening so I didn't tell anyone it was more of a "I don't want her on my team" "she's not good at this" type comments. One night though it got hard to ignore. We had just went on a trip so we were in a church van. I couldn't get away, I felt so trapped. I can't even remember the comment I made just the response from my cousin's friend. "you aren't welcome here" Imagine, being at a church, or place your whole life and hearing those words. My world was torn apart. I couldn't escape I was in a moving vehicle. My youth pastor was in the same vehicle but I am going to give him the benefit of the doubt that he didn't hear what was said to me, but if he did he completely ignored the fact that I was told "you aren't welcome here". I had been at that church honestly since before I was born, my mom was born into that church and grew up there and I grew up there so it was hard. I would only go to events after that that had nothing to do with the youth group. I would go to morning church but would not set foot back in the youth room. I started going to a different youth group, I love it there. I started my freshman year of high school and am still involved in their college youth group. We never fully switched to that church so I only go on Wednesday's but I do visit some Sunday's. My boyfriend goes there so it is easy to be involved with their church on Sunday because I can just tag along with him. After that day I resented Tyler, the boy who said that to me. I never wanted to speak to him again because he hurt me. About a year or so later he decided that he would apologize. I took the apology but didn't go back. I said "thanks" and he asked if I would come back to the youth group, I said no it wasn't fun for me and that I was involved in another youth group. After that youth pastor left, he was asked to step down because he was a volunteer anyway I went back for that youth pastor and have actually been involved there and the second church. It always worked out that my first youth group would meet on Sundays and the other on Wednesdays so I could do and enjoy both. I will always remember this time and grow from it. Nothing anyone says can bother me much anymore because I wasn't welcome. I knew that and now I know that even if I am not welcome that I can still make the most of the time in that group or activity.